How not to write a "Thank You" letter

It's the day after Boxing Day. Every Christmas present has now been opened and the wrapping paper has found its way into the outside bin. After two days of over-indulgence, Mum and Dad decide it's time for the kids to write a few "Thank You" letters before everyone forgets who gave what to whom.

This poem is a cautionary example of how not to do it, sent from a very ungrateful child - a close cousin of The Santa Trap's Bradley Bartleby perhaps?

A Gift Horse in the Mouth

To Auntie Joan and Uncle Ray,

I did say "Thanks" on Christmas day,

but Mum says you gave so much stuff,

just saying it was not enough.

She says the least that I should do

is write a note to say 'Thank you'.

Quite why I should, I do not know,

but Mum insists, so here I go:

Thank you for the action-figure;

my friend has got one - only bigger!

Thank you for the new canoe;

I'll put it with my other two.

Thank you for the Mega-Maze;

a pity that was last year's craze.

Thank you for the cuddly toy;

it's perfect - for a younger boy.

Thank you for the spinning top;

they'll love it - at the charity shop.

Thank you for the painting set;

was this the best that you could get?

And thank you for the microscope;

you still have the receipt, I hope!

Phew! I'm glad I'm done with that!

Yours sincerely,

Spoilt Brat.

P.S. My birthday - DO remember -

is on the second of September!

You can find this, along with some other unpublished poems about toys, in the Early Poems section of my web site.